Go with your gut ( a story from earlier this week )

Yesterday I was working on my '77. My half retarded neighbor kid was showing me his new cussing skills. I hoped on the bike to make sure everything was working right hit a couple of corners and came back. First thing I noticed was I left my garage door open. I was pretty pissed at myself. I've had two cars stolen out of my driveway. Sh!t stolen off my back porch and was woken once when a guy broke into my house . He then realized who lived there and tried to leave. Only to find you can't open the doors (he came thru a window ) once I've secured them. That was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. I'm standing there under the influence of Schlitz malt liquor and Tylenol P.M. trying to comprehend if this is real or a dream while this guy is screaming for his life yanking on the door. He finally jumps out the window landing on the concrete steps 6 feet below. Funny sh!t ! Anyways back to the story .So I do a quick inventory The Impala and bikes hasen't been touched. Tools are all there. I go to lock it up and the keys are missing. First thought was " that damn half a retard kid took the keys" My second thought was " Your a a$$hole for blaming the retarted kid" I lose sh!t all the time I've lost these keys twice already and the lock is a replacement because I had to cut the other one off because of lost keys. So I spend the rest of the day tearing up sh!t looking for the keys. I never find them. This morning I get up and go outside for a smoke. The half retarted kid rolls by on his bike. I ask him nicely if he found any keys. " No sure haven't " I tell him if he does I will buy him ice cream. I go back inside thinking how much of a a$$hole I am for even thinking he took them. I take two steps and there is a knock at my door. Guess who ? Yep the kid is holding the keys asking "were's my ice cream" That little fu%ker had them in his pocket the whole time. HA !